The Tom Green Show - Season 1

First aired: 2/13/1998 13 episodes

Episodes

1. Pilot

Aired: 2/13/1998

-Guarding the pee (skiing equipment) -intro -buying condoms -Glenn Humplik is hiding -Tom talks with some striking Ontario teachers. -The clam digger skiff -Gas engine in the mall -blind date with David bowie -interview with Aliea Hewert from express connections- -NYPD GREEN (greasy cop) -bowling trophy (your the champ!) -band: local rabbits

2. Parliament Hill Shenanigans

Aired: 2/20/1998

-prime minister can you sign my balls -intro -everyone likes fights (magneto vs. wolverine) -the southpole crew -meat vs. mug -the bag lady (time to clean the city) -hugs -interview with the butcher (lambs head fun) Russell Chuadary -Ashley Maciassac (im Ashley Friggin Macissac) -pump it up ya'll (hand held rap) -Toms Grandma, and the infamous briefcase of Dereks -band: Bloody Chickets

3. Watch Motch Motch Motch

Aired: 2/27/1998

-beach tanning (know what im saying) -intro -oxymen girls are pretty -someone took Glenn's watch (but I have a watch motch motch motch) -hugs -clockwork orange (hustlin dude) -interview with the guy from the "Waffle house" -Scubahood -dirty pictures (Glenn is big in the gay community) -buying condoms part 2 -band: This minor tremble

4. Tom, Don't Quit Your Day Job...

Aired: 3/6/1998

-do ya think IM sexy? -intro -interview with the spanish sailor -Glenn shows his ass (Money Bags Humplik) + Tom sings "Children" -this is a message from Don Carleon! (cow head at 3am) -Where are you going. aka: Tom vs. Old man! -Lord Sheffield razor guest. Shaving Toms Legs -climbing palm trees in the sun -band: Hot Piss

5. Tom Meets Will Ferrell

Aired: 3/13/1998

-hollywood blvd. bums talk with Tom -intro -the Canterbury tales -fire in parents bed at 3am -toms parents gueststar, and fire extinguish tom and Glenn -tom raps with some sisters. They think he is french, Italian, or polish. But he is not jewish. -fishing for the vacuum shark -vandex guest.. tom sniffs it and goes ballistic -have no fear, burning feet man is here -rappin with yet another sister.. tom dances free style -cow brain boat -band: Scratching post

6. Episode 6

Aired: 3/20/1998

-Tom solves the OJ simpson murder mystery -intro -hockey guy -tom with the old man makeup. Dave Allston is ejected and banned from the show (good) -pissed off scientist -Phil giroux's bachelor tips. use paper plates and plastic bowls. bed lots of women. make tom laugh.. etc -tom neilson, guest.. whipping onions at the tom green/brad pitt painting on the wall -NYPD GREEN : ballistics... "now eat my ass!" -3am radio easter egg hunt at Toms parents house -toms grandmother gives tongue brushing techniques -kiki and the tv cans on the trees -band: salmonblaster

7. Episode 7

Aired: 3/27/1998

-Tom, Derek, and Ray run outta gas in mexico. tom does impressions for people waiting for the gas -intro -Jimmy cab, makes replica of earth. sends man hole covers around the world -Glenn gives instructions for tom to be funny. tom sprays food and sauce on the audience..chaos -big ben -ufo's are real. Tom is visited by the "raelien" cult -guest Joanne, the nail gun expert -a date with god Glenn Humplik: the sucker. Glenn is forced to by a young girl radiohead tickets, and in return tom gets him a 'sucker' tshirt -tom interrupts an Elvis fan concert.. dances and gets people pissed -band: short fall

8. Episode 8

Aired: 4/3/1998

-tom plays a bus driver.. who makes a young boy walk past his stop -intro -breadheads return: tom hassles people who he thinks are is mommy. "are you my mother" -Foster Children Tug of war. Alimotou -Glenn's day of justice, toms revenge -tom the movie usher -guest: some relationship expert -condom buyer, with the little engine -tom in drag. swimming with fish and sharks in the ocean -toms new joke.. sidewalk headbanging -band: starling -tom has fun at the Hollywood sign, but its raining

9. Episode 9

Aired: 4/10/1998

-dancing man, and tom -intro -fun with science, the urinating scientist -tic tac toe with the audience, yelling at them "you stupid dummy" -rappin with the wheelchair brother in Chicago, talking about cheese -hockey guy -foreign cultures, with your host: Jim Cab -guest: ceiling fan expert -the duster -the apology (skinny pig): with derek and tom, apologizing for being filthy liars -band: spinecracker

10. Episode 10

Aired: 4/17/1998

-dennis woodruff, the struggling actor -intro -tom fulfills a dream: meeting Alex trebek -a game: stinky whiskey buttons with the audience -rappin with the wheelchair brother in Chicago, talking about batteries -Derek Harvies impounded car is found in Kingston, and he is almost arrested for hopping a fence -guest: soap dispenser expert -hip hop woman (tom in drag.. kicks it fresh) -ceiling fan: sending hotdogs around the world -driving with a cab driver, who is a masturbation expert -band: boywonder

11. Episode 11

Aired: 4/17/1998

-Hollywood gay old man -intro -the power of the camera: the drunk imbecile that tom and Phil met in a bar. Who is tied up, and covered with milk -guest: car starter expert. Tom covers his face with tinfoil and screams at him -Humplik: an astronaut in training -tom walks with a swagger -Phil's pickup techniques.. trying to get tom a hug and kiss, phil practically humps a chick -cookin a live lobster with Glenn and tom -NYPD GREEN : the smallest father. "your father is dead asshole" -harassing a nice pakistani man. "say you love the tom green show" "i dove de domb gren shiew" -band: bertha does moosejaw -toms eyes and talking with ray, as credits roll

12. Episode 12

Aired: 4/24/1998

-rotting head cartoon guy.. Eagle ate his brain -intro -fashion police, with tom, some girl, and toms ex -tom calls audience members house, and tells their parents that he is screwing their daughter, doing cocaine, etc -3am , the slut mobile -mexican boner in toms pants -pro fur lady -mc face, video for "slaughta ya oughta" -standup comedy loser -celebrity watching: jean claude vandamme, vanilla ice, hitler, and Leslie neilson -fun with street musicians -band: sully

13. Episode 13

Aired: 5/1/1998

-shock at the marilyn manson concert -intro -come blow with me -Guest: Jean-marc from Ritchies welding -Searching Mexico for Toms cross dressing brother -cartoon guy and his bag of eyes -Hip Hop camping -Breaking Wayne Gretzkys records -Fun Game: Hair + Vaseline game with audience girl Jody -Tom Green Land -the philophser -NYPD GREEN: Under Desk -band: brandon walsh