You Can't Do That on Television - Season 5

First aired: 6/4/1984 26 episodes
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Episodes

1. Courage

Aired: 6/4/1984

The Smurfs Meet Godzilla will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast must be brave to overcome stage fright as the show's ratings are higher then ever. The kids discuss courage. Kevin tests his courage by wearing a suit of armor.

2. Friends

Aired: 6/7/1984

Laverne and Shirley Kill Each Other will not be seen at this time so that we may present... You can't put a price tag on friendship. Well, in fact, you can, as Christine sadly discovers when her mother's monthly friendship checks to the cast fail to arrive, leaving Christine friendless.

3. Ambition

Aired: 6/12/1984

Dallas & Dynasty will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast explains their ambitions in life. Christine wants to grow as an actress and begs Ross to provide her with a meaty scene within the show. Ben, meanwhile, wants Ross to adjust the budget so he can star in his own music video.

4. Hobbies

Aired: 6/15/1984

Hobby Days will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine talks about fashion, her latest hobby.

5. ESP - Magic Astrology

Aired: 6/20/1984

The Twilight Zone Gets Redeveloped will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The crew fears a ghost is haunting the studio when strange things start happening. Lisa decides to perform an exorcism to get rid of it. In the sketches, the cast pokes fun at ESP and astrology, as well as magic in sketches like Genie of the Electric Lamp.

6. Literature

Aired: 6/21/1984

Masterpiece Theater will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine tries to become one of the shows writers, while Justin tries to track down the great author A. Nonymous. In the sketches, the cast looks at the classics of literature.

7. Clubs

Aired: 6/25/1984

The Mickey Mouse Club will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine joins a health club, but isn't really interested in the club's healthy atmosphere and Ross involves the kids in an investment club with himself as their broker.

8. Foreign Countries

Aired: 6/28/1984

Around the World in 80 Days will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross appears interested in world travel and foreign cultures, like the rest of the cast. Actually, Ross is only interested in playing "exchange bank."

9. Marketing

Aired: 7/3/1984

Miss Piggy Sold to a Sausage Factory will not be seen at this time so that we may present... To raise money to keep the show on the air, the cast tries to sell water and green slime to viewers.

10. History

Aired: 7/11/1984

The Six Wives of Henry VIII will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast parodies historical events, as Alasdair traces his family history and Christine writes a research essay.

11. Body Parts

Aired: 7/12/1984

Real People's Armpits will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The show's cast competes to see who has the perfect body.

12. Technology

Aired: 7/19/1984

The Electric Company Blows a Fuse will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast takes another look at computers and robots. In the process, Ross tests out an interactive poll system. Viewers are supposed to touch the superimposed green and red squares on the screens to determine what happens next. The result: in the space of four minutes, Luke gets shot, Vanessa is slimed, and Lisa is forced to not say anything.

13. Moving

Aired: 7/20/1984

Mr. Rogers Gets Evicted will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine's family moves into a new house in the hills, a kid on wheels from California catches the attention of his new classmates.

14. Halloween

Aired: 10/9/1984

Boy George Without Makeup will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine puts a spell on Ross that causes evil ghosts to haunt him.

15. Christmas

Aired: 12/8/1984

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Joins the A-Team will not be seen at this time so that we may present... It's Christmas on the set, but there's little peace on Earth in the studio: Alasdair's running around with a helmet camouflaged in mistletoe and two eager lips puckered.

16. Holidays

Aired: 1/1/1985

The A-Team Wreck Disneyland will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast tries to convince Ross to give them a holiday.

17. Colleges

Aired: 1/4/1985

The college football game scheduled at this time between MIT and UCLA will not be seen because "mitucla" is a dirty word in Arundi Barundi. Among the cast's plans for college, Alasdair plans to enter on a video game scholarship but, so far, can't find a university to meet his aim. Ross returns to college so he can enter a profession without kids around.

18. Politics

Aired: 1/8/1985

To Tell the Truth (with guest host Richard Nixon) will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Lisa is nominated by Christine to run for class president.

19. Science

Aired: 1/11/1985

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Wizard will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair tries to discover the formula for the green slime.

20. Divorce

Aired: 1/15/1985

Family Ties Get Untied will not be seen at this time so that we may present... During their divorce proceedings, the producer's wife takes half the show away - literally half of everything - with strange results.

21. Families

Aired: 1/18/1985

The Partridge Family Get Shot will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross' nephew visits the show, but doesn't get along very well with the cast.

22. Malls / Hangouts

Aired: 1/22/1985

The A-Team Makes One Cup of Coffee Last 5 Hours will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The kids hang out - at the arcade, the library, malls and summer camp, after school, at the Burgery, around the set, outside prison, stores, locker and dressing rooms. They also hang laundry, hang tough, and generally just hang in there.

23. Seasons / Weather

Aired: 1/25/1985

Mr. Wizard Shows You How to Make Rain will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair makes a weather machine, but it doesn't work correctly.

24. War

Aired: 1/29/1985

The Love Boat Goes on a Cruise Missile Cruise will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair forms an anti-war group (W.I.M.P.), while Ross argues that war is a necessary evil.

25. Jealousy

Aired: 2/1/1985

Knight Rider Wants a Ferrari will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast is jealous of Christine after she gets a raise.

26. Wealth

Aired: 2/5/1985

Dunking for Dollars will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The series is sold to various foreign countries. Adam acts as millionaire Ronald Rump.