The Bernie Mac Show - Season 3

First aired: 11/30/2003 22 episodes

Episodes

1. Eye of the Tiger

Aired: 11/30/2003

Jordan tries out for the basketball team, but the coach decides he is better suited for gymnastics -- as a ribbon dancer. Meanwhile, Wanda coaches Bryana's soccer team and turns her into a lean, mean soccer machine.

2. Love Thy Nephew

Aired: 12/7/2003

When a litigious neighbor asks Bernie to tear down the treehouse he built for Jordan, it leads to an all-night standoff. Meanwhile, a relentless Bryanna tries to put a bumper sticker that represents her good grades in school on Wanda's car, but Wanda tries different ways to put the sticker anywhere but on her car.

3. Road to Tradition

Aired: 12/14/2003

Bernie tries to instill a sense of old-school Christmas tradition in the kids but when they become obsessed with gift-getting Bernie decides to cancel Christmas altogether. Meanwhile, new Senior VP Wanda overcompensates for her promotion by trying to find a gift for everyone on her staff which distracts her from catching the Christmas spirit.

4. Laughing Matters

Aired: 12/21/2003

When Bernie lands the dramatic lead role of a stroke afflicted former track star, he has a hard time convincing everyone he has the chops to be a serious dramatic actor and reaches out to Angela Bassett for acting advice. Since Bernie is working and cannot care for the kids after school, Wanda must put the younger kids into daycare at her work. Upset at being stuck with a bunch of babies, Jordan leads a child rebellion where the kids escape daycare and wreak havoc on the office. Meanwhile, Vanessa pretends to be poor, so that Teri, a girl at school, will like her. But the plan backfires when Teri finds out that Vanessa is lying and that she is really Bernie Mac's niece.

5. Hair Jordan

Aired: 1/4/2004

Bernie finds out that Jordan has been getting haircuts with Wanda and the girls at a beauty salon and decides it's time to take him to Bernie's favorite barbershop downtown so Jordan can learn to be one of the guys. There they talk sports, politics, community and most importantly -- smack. But things backfire when Jordan's first attempt at smack-talking hits a nerve with Earl, the barbershop owner, who throws the two out of his shop. Meanwhile, the girls bond with Wanda when they team up to figure out how to change the batteries in the incessantly beeping home smoke detectors.

6. Love Bug

Aired: 1/11/2004

When Vanessa brings home her first boyfriend, Reggie, Bernie gets to work on scaring the guy off but quickly realizes that Reggie is a good influence on Jordan and could lead him away from bug collecting and into sports and girls. Bernie decides he can take advantage of the situation and let Vanessa think she has a boyfriend while also giving Jordan a role model. When this prevents Vanessa and Reggie from spending any alone-time together, Vanessa decides to break up until Bernie uses reverse psychology on her to get them back together. Meanwhile, Wanda decides to clear space in her closet and give some shoes to the Salvation Army, but letting go is harder than she thought it would be.

7. It's a Wonderful Wife

Aired: 1/25/2004

When Wanda quits her job after getting passed up for a promotion, she tries to re-channel her energies toward Bernie. The togetherness starts to wear thin, however, when she upsets Bernie's writing process as he prepares for his talk show appearance on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." Meanwhile, Jordan wants to become friends with the big boys on the block, and figures the best way to do it is to hook one of them up with his older sister, Vanessa.

8. Family Reunion

Aired: 2/8/2004

Bernie and Wanda host a Mac family reunion barbecue for about 50 of Bernie's extended relatives who invade L.A. for the weekend. At first, Bernie is excited and looks forward to bonding with his relatives and strengthening their family ties, but when his Aunt Sis starts to pester him about co-hosting a cooking show with her on the Food Network, cousin Lou starts to harass him, and his older brother Carl questions the way he and Wanda are raising the children, Bernie starts to question why he agreed to host the reunion in the first place. Meanwhile, Vanessa and Shonte, a distant cousin by marriage, flirt with each other until Bernie informs them that they are more closely related than they thought.

9. Droobie or Not Droobie

Aired: 2/15/2004

Bernie takes a film role because it stars Bryana's favorite character, Droobie, a Barney-like dinosaur. Bryana, unable to separate fiction and reality, is upset with Bernie because he plays the villain in the film and is mean to her cherished Droobie. She gives Bernie the silent treatment, and his plan to show her that the two are friends goes terribly wrong when Bryana catches him stuffing the Droobie costume into the trunk of a car and thinks he has killed her favorite dinosaur. Meanwhile, Jordan is selling candy bars to raise money for his school but is not having an easy time of it. To ease his pressure, Jordan eats the candy bars and then must come up with a way to pay the school back.

10. J-O-R-D-A-N Spells Funny

Aired: 2/22/2004

Jordan enters the school spelling contest. Bernie gives him a little advice that humor can help him overcome his fear. But his material proves that Jordan has no place in the comedy business.

11. Make Room for Caddy

Aired: 3/7/2004

Bernie's in-laws pay the family a visit and, as usual, Bernie and Wanda's father, Lloyd, bicker continuously. Wanda asks Bernie to go easy on Lloyd this time as her parents are having money problems and cannot buy a new Cadillac. But even when Bernie offers to buy the car, Lloyd refuses because it's not the top-of-the line model he wants. Meanwhile, we learn why the two men don't get along in a series of flashbacks, as Bernie takes us back to when he met Wanda and her father didn't approve of his daughter dating a comic delivery man who told jokes on the subway.

12. Saving Sergeant Tompkins

Aired: 3/14/2004

Bernie discovers that Jordan has taken his framed Redd Foxx ticket stub for the school time capsule when he is asked to include something that connects him to his past and doesn't have anything of his own. Bernie tells Jordan the hard facts about his past â€“ how his father left them and that when life deals a rough hand one has to suck it up. But the hard facts harden Jordan and Bernie's afraid he's gone too far, so he decides to rewrite history a bit and make Jordan believe that his father left him a keepsake from when he was a sergeant in the Army. When Vanessa hears about Bernie's lies, she is infuriated but eventually agrees it is important that Jordan think well of their father. She gives Jordan the only picture she has of her father so that he can have a real connection to his past.

13. It's Mac-ademic

Aired: 3/22/2004

Bernie doesn't like it that Bryanna's education consists of playing in the sandbox, tag and tiddlywinks, and he begins to question the teaching methods at the Wellington School. So Bernie volunteers as a teacher's helper for a week to see for himself. Things go wrong from the start when he demands respect from the kids and asks them to call him Mr. Mac instead of by his first name, as they do with the other adults at the school. When he gets resistance from the kids, the teachers tell Bernie that since he does not respect the Wellington way he must be on his way. He takes Bryanna with him but enrolling her in a new school isn't as easy as it seems. Meanwhile, Wanda thinks she can reason with Vanessa and Jordan and resists using violence against violence to get them to stop fighting, but she's beginning to think it's the only thing that will work.

14. The Getaway

Aired: 3/29/2004

The family heads to San Diego for a nice relaxing family vacation. But it's not the kids who have a problem relaxing, it's Bernie. He jumps on the last flight to Las Vegas to meet the boys for some gambling and debauchery. While in Vegas he meets up with boxer Sugar Shane Mosley, but it's Wanda who throws the punches.

15. Easy Rider

Aired: 4/5/2004

Bernie is tired of living in a child-friendly house and having to give up all of his favorite things because of the kids. When the studio gives him a motorcycle and Wanda suggests that he give it to charity because it is unsafe, he puts his foot down and decides to keep it until he crashes, passes out and sees what the Mac house would be like without him. When he comes to, he realizes that Wanda is right, and he child-proofs everything in the house and becomes over-protective of the kids. Meanwhile, Jordan is caught trying to sell Bernie's girlie magazines to the boys at school and Bernie and Wanda are called into another meeting with Father Cronin.

16. Who's That Lady

Aired: 4/12/2004

Psychologist Dr. Phil makes a house call in Bernie's confessional. He counsels Bernie on how to deal with an angry Wanda, who feels left out after Bernie and his buddies bring a woman, Lynette, into their group. Meanwhile, the kids find where Bernie hides all of their dangerous toys and end up almost killing each other to keep the secret.

17. Mac-Inations

Aired: 4/12/2004

Bernie believes that he is the master of all pranks until his neighbor Carl Reiner, Wanda, and the kids join forces against him for the ultimate practical joke. They make Bernie believe that he accidentally killed Carl's beloved dog with rat poison. But it isn't until Ashton Kutcher comes into the picture that Bernie is put in his place.

18. That Old Mac Magic

Aired: 4/26/2004

Bernie's agent Jerry Best takes Jordan to his office on national "Take Your Child to Work Day," and Jordan lands a commercial for the designer knock-offs store, "Magic Malvert's." But when they threaten to fire Jordan, Bernie steps in and is forced to do the commercial. Bernie goes before the American Idol judges in his confessional and they critique his performance in the commercial.

19. The Talk

Aired: 4/26/2004

Bernie catches Jordan looking at his men's magazines and playing provocative video games, so Wanda tells him it's time for Jordan to learn about the ""birds and the bees."" Bernie is having trouble getting the words out, so he stops by the Playboy Mansion to get advice from the expert, Hugh Hefner. When Jordan thinks he got a girl pregnant by kissing her, Bernie realizes it's time for the talk.

20. Five Stages of Bryana

Aired: 6/15/2004

Bernie and Wanda struggle with how to discipline Bryana when she begins to change from their adorable baby girl into a bratty little bully. They consult a child therapist to determine what is making her suddenly throw tantrums, become a bully at school and fight with her siblings at home. Meanwhile, Bernie buys Bryana a guinea pig but it's Wanda who ends up taking care of the pet and eventually bonding with it

21. Go Bernie, It's Your Birthday

Aired: 6/22/2004

Bernie's birthday is here and the family does not notice and Bernie begins getting jealous about an old lady shocking him with a stun gun, seeing a kid celebrate his birthday at Jungle Garden and getting locked out. Guest appearances by George Clinton, Daniella Monet and Jill Talley.

22. Thanksgiving

Aired: 6/29/2004

Bernie is thankful that Vanessa is doing well in school due to the support of her teacher, Mr. Diggs. But when Mr. Diggs' influence turns her into a vegetarian, a jealous Bernie puts his foot down. Meanwhile, Jordan makes Bryana dread her first year sitting at the kids' table at Thanksgiving.